I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
