I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
