It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
