Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will pee on everything he values.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
