Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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