Say something about gay babies.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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