I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
