Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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