I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
