Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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