Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
