respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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