My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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