TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
