So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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