i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
