So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
