i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Green mimosas i think yes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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