your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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