we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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