Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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