We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
