I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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