So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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