Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
