Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
