the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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