I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
