I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
