A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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