If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
