I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
