no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
