Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's blow job season.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
