sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
