I met the friendliest cop last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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