Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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