Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
