worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
