Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
