3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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