the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
