your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
