Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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