i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
