Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
