i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
