I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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