she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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