had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
