We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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