shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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