I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
