maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
