what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize