this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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