I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
