Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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