Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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