Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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