anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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