And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
