You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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